Thursday, August 11, 2011

Austen Extravaganza Post

(This post is for Austen Extravagantaza)

I really didn't know what to put here. I asked Meredith, who's hosting this event, and she said, "Anything." I thought about what was currently going on in my head, then decided to hone the topic a little down to "Jane Austen related" because who wants a discussion of various ways to give your wife a divorce in second-century Middle East? Me, that's who, but you are probably more interested in Mr. Darcy (though you can actually write the bill of divorce on a cow's horn and give the wife the cow*). I am a bad Austenite, not constantly filling my head with all things Austen.

By the way, the Rabbis eventually ruled that the cow shouldn't be living. It's not really a "bill" of divorce if it's on a living creature. (What? This Mishnah Gittin is interesting!)

Anyway, I was asked to speak not because I'm good at talking about Jane Austen (clearly not) but because I wrote a bunch of books. Ten of them. Four have been published, plus one free eBook of short stories related to the fourth. There's a lot of awesome books out there, so I thought I should mention some features to help me pick me out of a lineup.

14 Things That Are Distinguishing Features About My Books

(1) Swords, swords, swords.

(2) Swordfights.

(3) The first book is the Kama Sutra one. (No it isn’t. That was a mistake on the publisher’s part to label that book as such. ARGH.)

(4) Samurai. And there’s a ninja in book 8, but you don’t know he’s a ninja until he’s dead, because he’s a good ninja.

(5) Pretty sure nobody else has swung from Darcy’s chandelier in other books. Could be wrong about that.

(6) All Kitty all the time! Psych – I spend like, no time with her. Seriously, I don’t know what to do with her. She’s like the Skim Milk version of Lydia.

(7) Monkey! As in, there is one. And his name is Monkey. It turns out Mr. Bingley is not very creative when it comes to names.

(8) The Alter Rebbe (zt”l) puts in an appearance. Also, contains the phrase “zt”l,” which I had to explain to my publisher was not random words on a keyboard, but the English version of the Hebrew acronym for “May the Memory of the Righteous Be a Blessing.”)

(9) Dialogue in Japanese, French, Spanish, Tibetan, and Romanian. Probably none of it correct. Some of the English isn’t correct, either.

(10) Some vampires show up but it isn’t really a big deal.

(11) Having almost every child’s name start with a G actually just a Regency Period standard, not an expression of my hatred for the reader’s ability to keep track of people.

( (12) Copious references to synagogue members, dermatology patients of my father, and readers who bought my books in the acknowledgments.

(13) Guest appearances by: George III, George IV, Edward IV, Napoleon, Pope Pius IX, 11th Dalai Lama, Shogun Tokugawa Ienari, Emperor Ninkō of Japan, and Saint Sebaldus of Bavaria.

(14) In the last book, everyone gets eaten by dinosaurs. You think I'm joking, but I'm not.

(*) Mishnah Masecta Gittin, Chapter 2, Mishnah 3


Anna said...

There is certainly a lot in your books and I've loved them so far!

Meredith said...

I love your sense of humor, Marsha! When I reviewed The Darcys and the Bingleys I tried to emphasize that it wasn't all about the Kama Sutra! I'm intrigued about Darcy hanging from the chandilier - I'm assuming this isn't while he was inebriated and partying it up at some rave? lol!

Thanks so much for being a part of Austenesque Extravaganza!

Marsha Altman said...

It was William Kincaid, not Darcy. Darcy (arguably) has never done anything that stupid in the series.

KarenMC said...

I learn something new every time I read one of your stories. And I love George Wickham (the younger one - not the icky original JA canon one)

Rebecca (RivkaBelle) said...

LOL! Swordfights & swinging from the chandeliers? Oh heck yes! haha...

araminta18 said...

LOL! Ninjas! (or just one, singular) I will definitely have to add these to my reading list!

phastings said...

She’s like the Skim Milk version of Lydia. This is a great analogy of Kitty. I love it. ~ I wonder what you think of Mary.

Marsha Altman said...

I think Mary was more interesting knocked up, as book 2 makes exceedingly obvious.

Faith Hope and Cherrytea said...

oh Marsha! what a sense of humour that had me smiling from one statement to the next. you've added the freshness of your personality to austenesque extravanza and i'm more than pleased to have met you {& discovered even MORE reads await me!}
thank you !

Valerie said...

Hhmmm.... swords?? Sword fighting?? Oh YAH!! Love it!!

Sybil said...

I like thinking of Kitty as "the skim milk version of Lydia" because it's true.

I've read some of your books and look forward to reading the others. If I may ask, where might one find the free eBook you mentioned?

Marsha Altman said...


Chelsea B. said...

Enjoyed this post!! :-)

Kelli H. said...

Great post! I can't wait to read one of your books!!

Literary Chanteuse said...

They sound adventurous and witty. Great combination! Can't wait to read one!

Lúthien84 said...

I enjoyed this post, the way you describe them makes me LOL. I need to reread the first book since it's a long time I touch it. Thanks for the insight in your 10-book series.

Amanda Mauldin said...

Looking forward to more books in the future!